don't save me! skittles
by a human girl
Summary: what if a crazy otaku girl swallowed the pearl instead of Nina? chaos.
1. the bishies that fell from the sky!

**Me: c8**

**Zero: … crap. We're dead.**

**Me: No but someone unimportant is. n.n**

**Ichi: What's your definition of unimportant? =_=**

**Me: Oh, nothing~ *coughs* Nina *coughs***

**Ichi and Zero: =_=**

**Me: I only own the self-insert and possibly OCs! **

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_**Chapter 1: **_the bishies that fell from the sky!

Hi! The name's Maya. I'm just your average otaku, living in… Japan, bitches!

Yep. Moved here last month.

I was hoping to have a few other otakus in my school but there aren't so I'm pretty lonely… I have my online friends, family and friends who I've met in real life but they don't live here but… I dunno. I guess I'm just a greedy little bitch. 'n_n

Anyway, as for my looks, I have white skin, big blue eyes and brown hair; people usually think I'm pretty. My chest's pretty normal but I wish I was flat… boobs are annoying…

I was wearing a dark blue t-shirt, knee-length shorts, sandals and my L necklace. I had my hair in a plaid, as always. Having it down just gets in the way.

Moving on, I'm currently at a local cake shop. I ordered a sandwich (that comes with hard candy! }:3) while I listen to 'imaginary boys' by my favorite band, L33tStr33t boys, on my headphones and read the latest shaman king: flowers manga. Knowing Japanese really comes in handy when you're an otaku~

"Why can't I meet a guy like Hana?!" I whined. "I wanna live in an anime! And why doesn't life have background music?!"

I know I probably wouldn't be strong enough to handle a shonen, but if there's a way to get into a shoujo then sign me up! I'd also probably try to go into a shonen even though it's practically suicide. XD

A 'ting!' sound stopped me mid-rant.

I glared at my bowl of hard candy and grabbed a pink one, shoving it in my mouth.

Me, being pissed, tried to swallow it whole, but me, being me, had to go and pick the biggest one; the only one too big to swallow without chewing.

I gulped down my entire glass of apple juice trying to wash it down, just barely not chocking.

"Holy shit, that was close" I sighed.

What happened next scared the living shit out of me, backed it, and then shoved it back up my ass.

1) A really cute guy with blue hair fell from the sky (my thoughts: He looks like Lyserg from shaman king! :O)

2) A crap ton of flying people fell from the sky (my thoughts: What. The. Shit?!)

"What the shit?!" I demanded after almost getting crushed by the hoard of flying people.

"It's ok, we're on your side" assured the Lyserg-lookalike. Damn he's cute.

"That's right" agreed another cute guy, this one in a goddamn _car_ falling from the sky.

How many things are gonna almost kill me today?!

I kinda spaced out for the rest of it, thinking things over.

_Ok… so a bunch of things/people fell from the sky and now are having a fight with… magic? Is this really happening? Please tell me I'm not dreaming…_

I only snapped back to reality when I heard LL (Lyserg-lookalike) say "Whaaaa?! No way!"

"Question, have you seen a crystal pearl that looks like this?" said BHB (browned haired bishie), pulling a sign with a picture of that hard candy from before from out of nowhere and pointing at it.

"Yeah. I ate it" I replied. They didn't seem to like that…

"Say what?!" gasped LL, looking like me when I go to the store only to find out that the manga I wanted's sold out. He then started shaking me like a rag doll. "Do you have any idea what you've do-"

I stopped him mid-rant with a kick in the nuts. What? A girl can be aggressive.

"Look, if you want it that much I'll just crap it out later" I growled. I think he was in too much pain to hear… I think I kicked too hard… "Sorry!" I squealed when I realized he was hunched over in pain on the ground. I helped him to his feet and received a glare.

"Well, aren't you energetic…" BHB sweatdropped.

I grinned at him in that goofy way of mine. "More like eternally sugarlessly sugar high and aggressive" I don't think these guys are used to handling people like me… 'n_n

"Anyway… I'm Ichi and this is Zero"

"Nice to meet you! I'm-"

I was about to introduce myself, but was rudely interrupted by a gigantic. Fucking. Owl. With 2 people riding on it and a propeller sticking out of its head.

"I don't believe this… how did Sun and Forte find us?" wondered BHB, now identified as Ichi, more to himself than to LL, now identified as Zero.

"Don't worry about us, Ichi. What are _you_ doing here? And why are you guys hanging out with these pathetic humans (ok, humanity deserved that one)? Did you find a clue about the crystal pearl~?" asked the Forte kid.

Out of everyone here, Ichi has the funniest name. I mean, seriously! He's name's what you feel when you need to scratch yourself! Lol~ XD

"Nope" I answered. I don't like lying but I'm pretty decent at it, and besides, you'd have to be a total idiot to not see that Sunshine (Sun) and Girly Boy (Forte) are trouble.

"She's a pretty good liar, sura" commented the little dinosaur thingy. LL and BHB- oops! I meant _Zero and Ichi_ covered its mouth, but too late.

"So you _do_ know about it then~" chimed Sunshine.

"I-it's not like she swallowed it, sura" stuttered DT (dinosaur thingy), somehow breaking free from the guys' hold.

"Great…" sighed Ichi.

"Way ta go, seahorse" mumbled Zero.

"We _can_ hear you, you know" informed Sunshine. The guys and the creature now identified as a seahorse anime fell.

This is the best day of my life. I've see a whole bunch of things that are on my 'stuff from anime to see in real life if possible' list! :D

I didn't even realize I spaced out again 'till Zero pulled me into the car. … Which Ichi was driving…

"Do you even have a license?!" I demanded. They ignored me. My feels are broken. T-T

I didn't really pay attention to what was going on 'cause I was preoccupied with the fact that I was sitting in Zero's lap. Awkward~

"C-can you let me go now?" I stuttered when we stopped, my face red with blushies.

"Oh, sure" replied Zero, releasing his hold, letting me move to the seat next to him.

"Th-thanks" I muttered before remembering what's going on, taking Zero's goggles and inspecting them.

"Hey!"

"Who are you guys, anyway? … Can I keep these?" I pointed at the goggles. "Yes? Cool!" I put them on like a hair band. I don't think Zero cared enough to try to get them back.

"Should we tell her?"

"Yeah?" asked DT who I will now call Sura.

"I guess we don't really have a choice, do we" sighed Ichi. He seems the most logical out of these three. I hate logic…

"Then let me get right to the point" Zero crossed his arms across his chest. "See, we're not from the planet Earth; we're not humans, like you. We're sorcerers"

"Sorcerers…?" I repeated in disbelief, then grinned again and invaded Zero's personal space. "For real? With brooms and everything?" I asked eagerly. I've always believed in magic, and now I'm meeting actual sorcerers! I know any normal person would be skeptical, but I'm pretty gullible when it comes to this stuff.

"Yeah, now get away from me!" commanded Zero, trying to push me away.

"Holy shit, this's epic!" I hugged Zero despite his protests, hardly believing this is really happening. "Wait" I let him go. "Do you know anything about spellrix?"

"No. What's that?"

"Never mind…" I sighed, my belief crashing. … But then I remembered that just 'cause these guys never heard of it doesn't mean it doesn't exist and smiled again. "I'm so happy right now! This better not be a dream!" I was bouncing up and down.

And then they told me about the exam and Ichi called the exam comity and they decided to protect me and all that stuff.

Wait, what? Did these guys just say they'll protect me? Who the hell do they think I am?!

"I appreciate the offer, but I can handle myself. And if you really wanna help me than you have to understand we're equal, got it?" I informed.

They looked confused, like they've never seen a girl talk tough before. It pissed me off even more.

Girly Boy and Sunshine interrupted before I could get a reply.

Then there was a chase scene I don't wanna write about, Zero made a comment related to my boobs, I called him a pervert, we fell (from the sky), I went to get help 'cause he was out cold, Sunshine caught me, and here I am, watching Sunshine stuff her face with cake while Girly Boy sulked in the emo corner.

She offered me some but I'm not a cake fan. That's L's thing, not mine.

I snuck out when they were in their own worlds and met up with Zero, Ichi and Sura.

"How'd you escape?!" demanded Zero in disbelief.

"I used my brain and hightailed it when they weren't looking" I grinned. They looked at me as if I'm crazy (which I am). "Anyway… you guys'll be staying here right?" I was high on happiness again.

"Yeah…" they answered at the same time. I think I'm scaring them…

My grin widened. "Alright!" I punched the air.

This is the best day ever.

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**Dun, dun, dun!**

**Me: Muahaha. C8**

**Zero: ... you have a plan to get reviews, don't you?**

**Me: Yep! 8D**

**Ichi and Zero: -_-**

**Me: A competition! I'll accept 1 OC! :D**

**Ichi: … That's actually not a bad idea…**

**Zero: Traitor.**

**Me: Review! :D**

**Zero: Wait for it…**

**Me: Or Sun'll raid your fridge. O^O**

**Zero: Here it is… why do you always give a threat?**

**Me: Because Akachi face. O^O**


	2. abruptly, may we join you!

**Me: :{D**

**Zero: … Why are you wearing a fake mustache?**

**Me: Cuz it's fun! :D**

**Ichi: Maya only owns her self-insert and OC(s). 'n_n**

**Me: BTW, the competition rules changed. Your OC gets to come in if you win or if I ask for your help.**

**Zero: Don't you think you should've told them that sooner? -_-**

**Me: Don't judge meh! D:**

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_**Chapter 2: **_abruptly, may we join you!?

I muttered a string of curses as I walked to class. I hate school.

The students are assholes, the teachers don't know shit and the only people I have to talk to are my imaginary friends.

The only thing that kept me from blowing a fuse was that I have two magical friends. … And getting to go to school in a flying car... and I guess the chase scene with the owl was kinda fun… I love my life.

_I wish Zero and Ichi were in my class… blah. _I thought as I opened the classroom's door and saw Zero and Ichi at the front of the class.

My thoughts: Ironic irony is ironic. 3:

I was too happy to listen to the teacher introduce them so I decided to go to my seat before I glump something.

Can you guess where they sat? Right. Fucking. Next to me. Ichi to my right and Zero to my left.

… My silent fangirl squeal count: 1. Don't judge me.

"If it's all the same to you I'd like to take the desk here, beside Maya" said Zero.

My silent fangirl squeal count: 2.

"And I'll gladly take this other free desk beside Maya if that's alright with everyone" said Ichi.

My silent fangirl squeal count: 2.5. What? I like the fun bishies more than the gentle ones. Don't judge me.

And now for the annoyed squeal count of the class: IT'S OVER 9000!

"What's going on here?!" demanded the two girls sitting behind me, pulling my chair back. Hatsuka and Youka don't like me much (and I don't like them at all). "Who are these new guys?!"

Another girl (who doesn't like me and I don't like) invaded my personal space. "Are you, like, friends with them, Maya?"

"Yeah" I replied, a little nervous.

"What are you hiding from us?!" demanded Hatsuka.

"Tell us what's going on, Maya!" ordered Youka.

"Nothing!" I pushed them away from me, getting mad. I really hate prixies.

"It's love, isn't it?" the teacher was being stupid again, attacking the air with sparkles.

"No way!"

I honestly didn't care about the glares I was getting from my classmates that lesson. I mean, sure it wasn't nice, but having my new magical friends in all my classes was worth it.

In half an hour the bell rang, signaling the end of the lesson.

I was about to leave when Zero and Ichi dragged me out. WTF, guys?!

"Let me down!" I ordered, wriggling free. … And falling on my ass… "Ow…" I rubbed my sore butt and stood up. "Why were you dragging me?!"

"We're taking you to class" answered Zero as if it's as obvious as who's Kira (for the people who don't watch death note: it's Light Yagami. Spell his last name backwards.).

"I can walk on my own, thanks"

"We promised to protect you-" started Ichi but I cut him off.

"That has jack-shit to do with my walking skills. I know I'm about as coordinated as a spinda but this's taking it to whole different level!"

Silence.

"… What's a spinda?" asked Zero.

"A Pokémon that acts like it's high all the time" More silence. … And then I spotted some prixies… "Nothin' to do here" I walked into class, pokerfacing, leaving the guys to wonder what the hell's wrong with me.

The next period was chemistry, and luckily for me I sit alone so there's room for Zero and Ichi next to me.

You know… as cute and magical as they are… they're shit's starting to really get on my nerves.

I know they mean well, but they're kinda… sexist.

Guess I'll just have to teach them girls can kick just as much ass as boys can! }:D

When the guys came in and sat down almost all the girls in class flocked the table, asking Zero and Ichi to sit with them.

The prixies probably would've stayed away if the guys sat next to anyone other than me; they only pick on those who know better than to fight back.

If I fight back they'll start crying, and the adults'll believe their story. That's just how it works.

I sighed and put on my head phones, setting it to a fandub of nonsense speaker JoyDreamer did on YouTube; I didn't wanna have to listen to idiots. I just wanna go back home to my computer and talk to my internet buddies… they're a lot smarter than these dumbasses and they're fun too…

I think I surprised Zero and Ichi by not biting the other girls' heads off, but that doesn't matter.

"The scars that I have I gulped although

They hurt, they hurt, but you won't know

And if it is true you should admit

You didn't notice it" I quietly sang along, waiting for it all to end… sometimes I wish they'd all just disappear… leave me alone… leave me alone… leave me alone…

After that the day was pretty much ok.

Rumors were spreading like wildfire, but that was expected. Human beings love these kinds of things.

I'll be ok as long as I have at least one person I know cares about me. That's all I need. … That and anime and manga and fanfiction and my computer and *continues to ramble on and on and on*

Luckily, I never have to take a piss or shit at school so I didn't have to be apart from Zero and Ichi the whole day.

My mum picked me up after school, I played make believe with my little brother by 2 years on the car ride home (yes, I like playing make believe), I got home, went to my room, checked my messages on FFN, answered what I had and then noticed…

"Guys… why are you in my room…? And why are you drinking tea? And where'd that table come from?" I asked.

"Oh, well starting today we decided that we should live here with you" answered Ichi.

I derpfaced. "Lol wut?"

They went to my closet and Ichi opened it. "Look. I extended this closet with some magical space and made a room for Zero and me, see. Now you'll never even know that we're around"

"Cool!" I ran in and out of the closet a few times before remembering 2 things. "Wait" I stepped outside and in front of them. "Did you ask my parents? Them and D.G (my (goddamn skeptical) brother) already know about the magic and the pearl and that stuff 'cause I told them plus they saw the flying car but that doesn't mean they'll agree. … And where'd you put my clothes?"

"We already talked to your mum about it and your clothes are in your brother's room"

"Ok" I grinned like a psychopath. "C'mon! I wanna show you my fanfiction!" I dragged them over to my bed (where my laptop is).

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**Dun, dun, dun!**

**Me: :D**

**Zero: … review?  
Me: Or I will make you listen to (possibly gay) boy bands and pop stars whose names alone make me wanna barf. O^O**

**Zero: … What's wrong with you? O_o**

**Me: EVERYTHING! 8D**


	3. kiss? badass? skittle!

**Me: :D**

**Zero: It's smiling. O.O**

**Ichi: That means something bad's going to happen…**

**Me: Yep~ I love my authoress powers~ :D**

**Zero: … Crap.**

**Me: I only own my OCs! Anything else belongs to whoever it belongs too! And thanks to Queen for making an OC and reviewing and Fall or reviewing! :D**

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_**Chapter 3: **_kiss? Badass? Skittle?! (Gimme. *-*)

I facepalmed (hard) multiple times after what happened this morning.

I'm such an idiot! Why the hell do I run into places without knocking…?

Well, here's what happened:

1) I woke up.

2) I wanted to make sure yesterday really happened and ran into the closet (without knocking).

3) I saw Zero (and Ichi) shirtless. O/O

My silent fangirl squeal count's over 9000. T-T

"Hey!" called a female voice from behind Zero, Ichi and me when we were almost at the classroom.

We turned around to see a tough looking girl with black hair tied up in a ponytail, black eyes and tanned skin running up to us.

"Mariam! Hi!" I smiled; Mariam's really cool. I was lonely at school 'cause she's been sick.

"Are these guys giving you shit?" she asked, eyeing Zero and Ichi suspiciously.

"Wha- no! They're the new kids, Zero and Ichi, we're friends. … I think."

"I see…" she looked at the random prixies in the hallway then back at the guys. "Great… useless girly girl magnets… just what we need…" Sarcastic sarcasm is sarcastic. 3:

"It's very nice to meet you, Miss Mariam" greeted Ichi, attacking her with sparkles and smiling. The smile's fakeness was obvious considering he probably heard what she said.

They just stood there for a few moments, staring each other down.

I was afraid this would happen… Mariam hates romance and doesn't take kindly to people who attack using sparkles… I remember one time I convinced her to watch a shoujo with me… let's just say I'm glad my computer made it out of there alive.

"Does this happen often?" asked Zero.

"No, it's actually pretty amazing she didn't kill him. …Yet." Zero seemed kinda surprised at the casual way I said that.

He's so cute… speaking of cute, I wonder what Ichi and Zero yaoi would look like… no! Bad Maya! No drooling at school! DX

In a few minutes we made it to class.

Everything went on normally. … Until a pink haired girl trashed the classroom…

My thoughts when she kissed Ichi: Just great… a yandere character… I'm gonna die. Y-Y

"Who's she?" asked Mariam.

"The yandere character; basically Kagura from fruits basket or Yuno from future diary. I hope she doesn't murder anyone in their sleep…" I answered, kinda wanting to piss myself. "I think our lives are gonna closely resemble a cliché shoujo from now on…"

"You're joking, right?"

"Nope. Just take a look around; we've got you, the epic badass best friend character, this pink-haired chick, the yandere character, the guys with the owl, the comic relief characters, Ichi, the love interest character who attacks people with sparkles, Zero, the love interest character with a bad temper, and finally, me, the female character who's- wait… am I a prixy?"

"No way. You're too spazed. … and you make too many perverted jokes."

"It's my fault I have a sick sense of humor…"

"You're point?"

"Oh yeah. Well, I guess this shoujo has a twist!"

"Apparently. … you're gonna try to pull a Haruhi Suzumiya now, aren't you?"

"… Maybe"

The girls in the class were less than happy about this situation. Yep, I'm definitely gonna die. Y-Y

"You have to do something about this right now, Maya!" roared Hatsuka and Youka.

"Why?" I asked; I don't see anything wrong with it. I like Zero, anyway.

He's so cute… O/O

Before they could keep yelling at me, I turned to listen to what Ichi and Yandere Girl were talking about.

"Rokka, what do you think you're doing? You're not alone, are you?" questioned Ichi.

"No, Go is traveling with me. To follow you into the human world we both became examinees for the final sorcery exam" explained Yandere Girl, now identified as Rokka, in a soft tone. Yep, definitely yandere. Y-Y

"Are you serious?!" barked Zero.

"Lady Rokka" said a smooth voice from the… window? Where a green haired dude was standing? Lol wut?

"Go?" asked Ichi.

"Long time no see, Ichi. I apologize; lady Rokka was extremely excited to see you." Spectacle Dude, now identified as Go, turned to Rokka. "We should be going now, lady Rokka; Ichi seems to be busy and it's not nice of you to bother him"

"No!" yelled Rokka. "Ichi doesn't mind!" she turned to Ichi and latched onto him. "I can stay, can't I, my love?"

Hatsuka and Youka invaded my personal space.

"Hey, Maya who is that girl, anyway?" demanded Hatsuka.

"She's not his girlfriend, is she?" questioned Youka.

I was about to snap an answer at them when Rokka started talking.

"No, not quite; he's my fiancé!" she stated cheerfully.

_Somehow I doubt that…_ I thought, sweatdropping and ignoring the prixies freaking out around the class.

"I kinda feel sorry for him" stated Mariam.

"Me too. Besides, I ship him with you" I answered, getting a disgusted and horrified glare in return. "What? You know I like weird pairings. Especially when the characters hate each other at first."

"You're crazy"

"I now"

We both turned our attention back to Ichi, Rokka, Go, Zero and Sura (who randomly showed up and I don't know why my classmates aren't noticing).

"Are you guys _really_ engaged?" asked Mariam skeptically, eyebrow rising.

"That isn't true" informed Go, stone-faced. … I think I ship him with Rokka…

"I hope not" said Zero.

"Wow, you sure are a ladies' man" mused Sura.

"Both of you shut up!" barked Ichi, annoyed.

I wonder what he's like when he's pissed… wait, why am I thinking of Mariam? Interesting…

I kinda tuned out for a while there, getting carried away with my imagination, as usual.

But it's not what you think! I swear! I'm just a kid; I don't imagine _that_ kind of stuff! D:

The situation just gave me an idea for the next chapter of one of my fics! Promise! D:

Wait… why's Rokka yelling at me? She's shouting so much I can't even tell what she's saying… she'll probably get angrier if I ask her to repeat it… damn dude… hey, I just pulled an ImmortalHD! XD

Wait… I did it again… sorry. 'n_n

But seriously, he says damn dude a lot.

Hold on a sec… where'd Rokka and Go go? Hehe, go go- no! Bad Maya! No getting sidetracked!

Ok, now I pay attention. … Maybe.

"I got this for you" Ichi held out a skittle shaped hair clip.

"Huh?" I must've sounded stupid… but it's not my fault! I was barely paying attention! … Wait… shuddup.

"I heard you and Daniel (my brother's actual name, D.G's his nickname) shouting about it when you were playing make belief yesterday"

"Thanks!" I smiled and took the skittle hair clip of rainbowness (yes, that's totally a word. … Maybe.), putting it in my pocket. I usually hate hair clips, but come on! It's a fucking _skittle!_ Skittles are epic!

**LATER**

That night, I was telling D.G about what happened today.

D.G has curly, shoulder length brown hair, green eyes, and REALLY pale skin; he's really pretty so people usually think he's a girl when they see him for the first time.

I remember when I introduced him to Mariam… that was one awkward situation…

Oh! And before I forget, he has a-

**Maya, no. Not in public.**

D.G?! What are you doing here?! This is my P.O.V! D:

**Don't make jokes about **_**that!**_

Fine… why do you always shit on my parade? :(

**It just comes out that way, really. *leaves***

Well that was weird… I like it! :D

Anyway… we were sitting on my bed.

I had the Japanese theme song of shaman king playing on my computer. Did you know that if you put only that on a playlist on YouTube you never have to rape the replay button?

"I wonder why Ichi didn't get mad at Rokka when she kissed him…" I mused, more to myself than D.G.

"Maybe he likes her…?" he suggested.

"No! He can't! I DON'T ship that!"

"Maya, you can't ship real people"

"I'll stop shipping real people when you stop being a jackass"

After that we kinda just started spazing and playing make belief.

**THE NEXT DAY**

Everyone had to change for P.E, but the guys can't go into the girls' changing room so we kinda had a problem…

Mariam and I were standing outside the girls' changing room, trying to convince Zero and Ichi (actually Ichi was already convinced, Zero was the problem) to leave and let us change.

I'll be honest, I can't tell if Zero's scared about the pearl getting stolen or if he just wants to see boobs.

"Why?! Give me ONE good reason why we can't go in there!" demanded Zero.

It's been a few minutes of arguing and it's going nowhere fast. I'm starting to run out of patience.

"'Cause I'm on my freaking period, dammit!" I yelled. Thank Kira no one was in the corridor other than us…

He seemed to get the message after that and they left.

"Either he's clueless or he's a pervert. … you guys would make the perfect couple!" teased Mariam when we were changing.

"Ha, ha, very funny" I countered, taking off my shirt.

"Something's kinda off about them…"

"What makes you say that? Maybe it's because they're sorcerers…"

"Yeah- wait what?"

"Didn't I tell you?"

"No, no you didn't"

"Oh…"

A few minutes of explaining later~

"Ready to go?" asked Mariam when we were in our P.E uniforms. I'm glad she's not skeptical like D.G; the only way I could convince him was to show him the flying car.

"Yeah" I grinned. I don't usually like sports but our teacher's a spaz so it's always fun/funny.

What happened next is so crazy I'm gonna have to break it down for you.

1) Mariam and I left the changing room.

2) Mariam bumped into Rokka at the door.

3) Mariam gave Rokka her epic badass death glare.

4) Rokka turned into a 5-year-old and run off crying.

My thoughts: Dufaq'd I just see?

"Dufaq'd I just see?" I derpfaced.

"I think she's really a 5-year-old and was using magic to make herself look older…" pondered Mariam, as surprised as me.

"Well that explains a lot…"

"Yeah… shouldn't we be at P.E?"

"Oh yeah… shit"

And after that it was a normal day~

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**Dun, dun, dun!**

**Me: Mariam's badass! }:D**

**Zero: I'm not a pervert! D:{**

**Me: **_**Sure**_** you aren't.**

**Zero: +-_-**

**Me: Review! :D**

**Mariam: Or die. -_-**

**Me: So cool. *-***


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